From: MYTHS ABOUT INFLUENCE AND CONTROL
September 26th. 2012
The last few decades have seen the introduction of several dangerous fallacies into our social constructs: Thin is sexy, College is better than university, and Deepak Chopra’s vulgar interpretation of Quantum mechanics, amongst many more. Of all the more obscure meme-complexes that have arisen in the last 20 years, none has affected our social climate as negatively as the last – thin can be sexy if it’s healthy, and a college education has provided great success for many people but a charlatan Like Chopra has used scientific principles to misguide and confuse people into buying his very expensive and bogus, self-help, spiritual garbage. He is toxic and in my opinion an offense to logic and reason. Unfortunately for the less critical of us, charlatans like this one are abundant and many have amassed fortunes by charging lonely, horny males obscene amounts of money in exchange for incredible seductive powers. A subculture of self-proclaimed seduction masters who are referred to as P.U.A’s or Pick-Up Artists, has spawned hundreds of books and thousands of web sites promising the skills of Don Juan or Casanova. I’ve often been asked if it’s possible to use psychology to seduce beautiful women, and more often than not I’ve answered with a very confident yes – and mostly because it is possible. The issue with these P.U.A’s is that they claimed to have developed formulas that work with all women all the time. Many will try to convince their potential clients that their appearance is not important or that a man can forego his hygiene duties and still score with supermodels simply by saying the right thing at the right time. This is what in the industry, we call Bullshit. Psychology and knowledge of human behaviour can be used for seduction; after all, seduction is a form of influence, and not only in reference to sexual interest. And I’ve often told my students to look at it the same way. There are no hidden formulas, and no scripts. Live is not scripted. The context of every encounter and the meaning this context will give to those you are trying to influence or seduce, will directly affect your outcome.
One of my favorite stories to share with my groups is the one about a young man I met while at an international Kick-boxing championship in New York. I’d been invited to this event by a friend who at the time was National Muay Thai champion and top intercontinental competitor. Rob, the young man the story is about, was a successful accountant in Montreal. Rob was good-looking, smart, very polite and over-all a very nice guy. He was also driving a new BMW M3. There was one flaw with Rob, and that was that he was not good with women. My friend had spoken with Rob about my research with psychology and communication and in so doing, provided a great topic of conversation. He claimed to have tried many of these techniques and read many more of these books, but to no avail. He asked for help and I accepted. Rob and I spent only a couple of days in each other’s company, as we both had to return to our respective homes. In these days with Rob I focused on showing him how to read signs of attraction and in turn how he could indicate attractions to his “targets”. We talked about context and how it is important to understand the setting of our interactions before we can presume to manipulate anyone’s psychological state. It worked, Rob called me and reported an increased success rate he would have never had, had he not spent time talking to me. I am very pleased about having helped Rob, but I maintain the I came out on top as I provided this education in exchange for my bar tab – I can drink much when I choose to.